For many writers, the use of expletives in our fiction writing presents a quandary. Do we go ahead and use one of those infamous "seven words you can't say on television" (although I think they've all been said there by now)? Do we tone down one or more of those words, making the work less likely to offend--but, some would argue, less realistic?
It's a personal choice that we all must make at some point, when our character smashes a thumb with a hammer, loses everything in the stock market, gets into a huge screaming match or realizes that the spaceship's life support system has just failed. To swear, or not to swear, that is the question.
For those who'd like to walk the line somewhere between an "R" rating and an unbelievably dull character, The Scriptorium presents the Alternative Expletive Project. Our goal: to offer writers real-life, inoffensive examples of what folks say in times of anger, pain, despair and other emotional extremes. But we can't do it alone.
So here's the deal. Send us the things (apart from the obvious) that you say, or that you've heard others say, when "Rats!" just won't do but the kids are listening. We'll make a list that you can browse at your convenience when you need the perfect word or phrase. They can be colorful, outrageous, silly or slick--just as long as they're reasonably clean. In doubt? Send it anyway. We promise not to be offended, and we'll make the call on whether to include it.
Here's one example: my elderly schoolteacher aunt has always said, "Jiminy Crickets!" whenever things went really wrong. How a lovable Disney© character ended up as an expression of dismay I'll never know, but there you have it. And we just know there are lots more out there waiting to be shared.
Just stick 'em in an email to sherry@thescriptorium.net with "AEP" in the subject line. Once they pass our Board of Censors, we'll put them here for all to share. Scroll down to see what we've collected so far. It's up to you to add the exclamation points as you see fit.
And don't stop now! Anytime you hear or read something unusual that fits our list, send it in! With your help we'll soon have a long list of things that characters can say to let off steam--without burning your readers.
the Alternative Expletive Datalist (new additions appear at the end of the list)
| Ah, Buddha | All-fired | Blamed |
| Blast | Blasted | Bleeding |
| Blimey | Blinking | Bloody Mary |
| Bloody | Blowed | Confound it |
| Confounded | Crap | Crappola |
| Crikey | Cursed | Cussed |
| Dammit | Dang | Danged |
| Darn | Dash it | Dashed |
| Dern | Dungduggetty Mud | Durn |
| Feck off | Fishcakes | Frig |
| Gee C. Cow | Gee | Gol-danged |
| Gosh | Heck | Jehosophat |
| Jiminy Crickets | Motherfather | Motherflower |
| Poop | Rats | Sugar |
| Ballspun Road and Crumpets | Fiddlesticks | Sugar and (bloody) cats |
| That's SpongeBob (means "That's B.S.!") | Bother | Botheration |
| Tidy Bowl | Shiver me timbers | Dag nabbit |
| Split me infinitives | By carbonate of soda no | Fark |
| Cheese 'n' Rice | For frog's snake | Fudge |
| Good Gravy | Jeezly | Heavenly Day |
| Good Googa-Mooga | Go to Halifax | Gol-dashit |
| Ficky-doo | BALLoons | BASTion of indecency |
| Mother flubber | Cock-a-doodle-diddle | Drat |
| Shoot | Jeepers | Flick |
| Boulder Dash | Chickens | Fudgesicle |
| Nuts | Sugar Honey Iced Tea | Fungus |
| Jackrabbit | Crappers | Dadgummit |
| Pickles | FartBurgers | Criminy |
| Sammich | Bachkalooey | Hajamabajah |
| Rat Farts | Jolly Bad Luck | Jolly Rotten Luck |
| Dorkburger | Filth Belcher | Dirt Merchant |
| Chickenplucker | Cheezles | Flackit |
| Summon a witch | Grudge damn it | Faff (off/you/this) |
| Judas H. Priest | Bollards (load of) | Bilge |
| (you) Richard Cranium | Baloney | Fricking |
| Jeeze Louise | Cheet | Beach |
| Sugar Plum Fairies | Flipping | Frack |
| Howling | Horse Biscuits | Cheesers |
| Shittles | Skittles | Shootles |
| I could spit nickles | Fack | Ymir's Bones |
| Son of a Biscuit Eater | | |
